Sunday, January 17, 2010

Just Breathe

Warning: Depressing post. My apologies. It's been a tough few days. I stopped posting for a few days because we had a pretty serious illness fall upon our little family. Let me stop and clarify: In my home, I consider my family to be myself, Dan, my stepson, and my cats, Peter, Smee and our foster kitty Glory. Peter and Smee are both nine years old and the best cats anyone could ask for. Everyone immediately falls in love with them. They are full of big personalities and sweet as pie. I find it so funny that Smee's disposition is such that everyone who meets him calls him Mister Smee because he's so dignified and lovable, you can't help but call him Mister.

{My little Smee}

Smee has always had issues. He's one of those cats who gets chronic hairballs every other day, so when I noticed him trying to hack one up last week I didn't think much of it. A few days passed, still no hairball, but still some hacking. I took him to the vet to have him looked at and they found a large mass beside his heart. It may or may not be cancerous, but we opted not to test it since regardless, there's nothing that can be done. Because of where it's located, it can't be removed surgically, and the thought of putting him through six months of chemotherapy, it just doesn't seem fair. Something like that would be selfish I think. I took him to see another specialist who concurred with my own vet, but told me that with the medications he's on, he could have a good quality of life for up to a year so long as the tumor is slow growing and he continues to respond well to his meds. So we'll snuggle and eat chicken, and value each and every moment we have together. I know to a lot of you he's just a cat, but to me, he's my baby. Needless to say, I've been a mess for a few days and absolutely useless around the house.

Continuing my depressing post, my paternal grandmother passed away this summer from a stroke. She was 95 and the woman that inspired me most. She lived a good and long life, independent throughout. It's so difficult to imagine my wedding day without her but I'm happy she was here long enough to know I was engaged. She was in hospital when I told her that I thought Dan and I would be getting engaged on our trip to the East coast. Her eyes lit up, teared up a little, and she reached out and stroked my face. Although she couldn't say the words, I could feel how happy she was for me, and that she knew Dan would take great care of me. I knew that would bring her peace of mind.

I would like to honour my grandmother, and most likely, my little Mr Smee at our wedding. We won a digital picture frame in a lottery last year, and I thought I could put in a photo slideshow of the people we want to honour. I've also been thinking about a locket hanging from my bouquet with their photos in it. I won't have a photo of Smee sleeping on the train of my dress, or see my grandmother as I walk down the aisle, but if I can have them both with me in my heart and honour them as best I can, I would feel so much better.

I would like to have this as my last song of the night. It never fails to make me cry and it rings so true to me. I'm so lucky to have so many people I love around me, and the hard times we've been going through puts into perspective how important it is to savour each moment you have with the ones you love.

Does anyone else have special ways they are honouring those who have passed?

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